Thursday, 27 November 2008

Susie is in 'full time' education

I’ve been sent out of my morning biology lesson, not because I did anything interesting or rebellious to annoy the teacher, but because I pulled a sicky on Monday and missed the test. I don’t have time to do it now because I have to have a needle jabbed in my arm in twenty minutes, and clearly sticking around in the lesson when everyone is going over the test answers would give me somewhat of an advantage. The arrangement was working pretty well for me until I realised no one else had a free this period and now I’m sitting quite alone in the kitchen.

Fortunately, some genius has found a way to bypass the school safety nets, so I can actually get on blogspot and make some, albeit rather frivolous, use of my time.

Susie is moving on to something almost serious for once.

I’ve been thinking recently about families, about how people get along with their families, love them, appreciate them, all that jazz. And I wonder if I do, or ever will feel the same about my family. Granted, there is nothing wrong with my family; they’re good people and my life at home is probably above average. And I love them in that family way that no one can ever really get rid of, even if they want to. But whether I like them or not is a different matter. It sounds pathetic and teenager-y to say that we bicker all the time and it annoys me, but it’s true. Somehow I can’t seem to say a single thing without my dad arguing with it, or my brother butting in with some mocking comment because he thinks he knows me better than I do, or my mum laughing at me and telling me about how much harder her life is.

It’s mundane and stereotypical to argue with your family, and I imagine that all I’m going to hear in response to this post is that I should be grateful for what I have and stop complaining because it’s normal and people go through much worse. But ultimately, I have a right to be unhappy with this. It makes me tense and stressed when I shouldn’t be and it makes me feel guilty every time someone shows that they like their family, because it just reminds me that I really don’t.

Susie is still stunned at her brother calling her a cunt this morning for turning his light on. Even she thought he had more class than that.

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Susie is beyond exhausted

I’ve had an unusually busy weekend this week and as a result I have about as little energy as I’ve had in ages. For some reason I woke up at 8.15 on Saturday morning; some practical joke of my body’s or God’s or the person with the mouse playing the game of The Sims I’m in. Well they should know I’m fast approaching 4 red bars on the tiredness-meter and soon I am going to fall asleep on the toilet or in the swimming pool and die.

A group of us cleaned out Zoe’s loft on Saturday, I don’t think I ever realised what tiring work that is. I genuinely ache. And yesterday evening was the Church Anniversary Supper; a generally fairly excruciating event where members of the church get on stage to showcase some talent or other. There’s always a piano recital from a lovely 90-or-so-year-old man, with sufficient hearing to play faultlessly, but not to hear that he groans loudly throughout the piece – enough to prompt Ally to say ‘is someone snoring?’. Theo the 10 year-old will beast out a tune or two on the piano and clarinet, ridiculously good for his age and equally as irritating, thanks to his astonishingly pushy parents – one of whom also performs without fail. Ally plays his ‘cello, and I’m sure he amazes me more every year. I forget that behind the big goof I know and love he’s actually really talented and works really hard. The youth group always puts together a bit of a comedy act, which inevitably is left to the very last minute but somehow comes together on the night.

There’s a lot to be said about my church, not all of it positive. There’s often a certain lack of charisma and energy that’s so prominent in other churches, which is hardly helped by people pointing it out all the time. But for this one evening every year, the whole church just comes together as one. Everyone is there to support one another and enjoy each other’s company. From the outside, the supper must be the most cringe-worthy shambles; but it doesn’t matter to us. It’s a tradition and it’s ours and I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Avoiding eye contact with everyone during the terrible singing of two favourites, because we all know that one snigger from one person will soon put the whole congregation in hysterics – it’s what our church is about deep down.

Susie is genuinely sad that she’ll be away at university this time next year, and might not be able to come back for the night that makes being part of Brentwood Baptist Church worth it all.

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Susie is sleepy

Susie is grateful for Ami’s handy ‘Blog Buddies’ list; however, it does instil her with a slight sense of guilt when she sees how long it’s been since she last blogged. Susie is giving into this guilt now.


Susie is apologising to anyone who was expecting a worthwhile blog entry now, she was too. Susie is hoping that said people will take solace in the fact that the 2 hours Susie spent writing half-paragraphs and jumbled ideas were sufficient to calm her out of the fairly ugly and petulant mood she was in beforehand.

Susie is finally understanding why this is not one of those famous blogs that gets thousands of hits and comments. Yes she does know how many hits she gets. Susie is giving a big hello there to her new Israeli audience, but somewhat missing the Dartfordians. Susie is hoping they come back soon, she quite likes Dartford.