Saturday, 29 August 2009

Susie is officially uninvited

Today it seems I’m sitting at home while my ‘best friends’ have a good time all together elsewhere. I never quite know how to react in situations like this. Every instinct I have makes me want to burst out in tears and beg them to let me join in; draw attention to myself and make them realise that it actually hurts me and I miss them. But no, I’m going to stay quiet and pretend I had something better to do than lying around watching tv. And when they tell stories about the fun they’ve had and look at me expecting me to join in and eventually realise ‘oh yeah, you weren’t there’; I’ll make a snide comment about how I wasn’t invited and then laugh as if I find it funny too.

Susie is well practised in this, can you tell?

I’ve been lying around for the last 8 hours hoping to fall asleep because I can’t really deal with the gnawing feeling of rejection I have in my stomach. And it’s annoying me how pathetic that all sounds, because I would hope that something so stupid would be simple to get rid of. No such luck.

Argh. I wish I could have come back to this blog with a cheerful post about how nice a holiday I've had, how brilliant results were, how excited I am about going to university next year. Turns out I feel no need to write about all that happy stuff, this really is just a place for me to complain.

Susie is even annoying herself - just leave.