I’ve been all over the shop today. Mood-swingamundo. Maybe I’m pregnant.
Susie is trying something a little bit new with today’s blog. A complete run-down of the day. It won’t stick, she promises.
11.15am – woke up fairly suddenly after a nightmare involving the Joker, craving some tuna mayonnaise. I was craving the tuna mayonnaise when I woke up, not the Joker in the dream.
11.16 – had a bath to fill the 39 minutes before the Gilmore Girls, also because I looked like some sort of greasemonster and there was a chance that Sam and I were going out for lunch, in public.
11.55 – watched Gilmore Girls and decided the tuna mayo craving was going to win over lunch with Sam. A gamble which paid off, because we never did go out for lunch and the tuna mayo was really good.
12.55 – started revision, but a little half-heartedly, in front of the tv.
13.55 – left the tv and started real revision in my bedroom.
13.56 – felt more frustrated with chemistry than I ever have in my life. As the last year has been passing by, I’ve known that I wasn’t learning as much as I needed to in chemistry. The unfortunate fact that one of my teachers was not only my form tutor and a lovely guy, but also an appalling teacher never did bode well. Today, one topic was just not clicking, and I couldn’t seem to find the notes to make it click; if I’m honest, that’s not the sort of thing that happens to me very often, I tend to get things at least in concept, and I didn’t like it.
14.15 – worked it out. Felt the unfamiliar feeling of success as a result of genuine hard work. I wonder if I’ll ever have a job that will actually encourage me to work really hard. Even this minor victory is making me think that it might actually be worth it.
15.30 – told myself I deserved a break from revision. Looked through my old computer for some music to listen to since I’ve lost my iPod and the laptop was downstairs with the cleaner, who I make it my business to avoid whenever she comes round. Found some classic tunes and was hit with various waves of nostalgia, quite nice really.
15.45 – found myself in tears. Every now and then I think about what’s going on at the moment, the idea of leaving school, leaving home, starting uni. I think I’ve come to terms with leaving school friends, because I’ve come to terms with leaving school and the two just come together. Today I thought about leaving Ally. For the past few years, I’ve seen him fairly consistently every week. How many times a week has varied certainly, but it’s been something that I’ve been able to rely on. But it hit me today that that’s all over; already. I knew we were going to have to leave, I knew we were only going to see each other in the holidays, I knew it was going to be hard to keep up the friendship we have. But I didn’t realise that it was all over already. We’ll barely see each other during exams, and then even less over the holidays, and after that we’re off. I thought about saying goodbye to him and I thought how much I’m going to miss him and yes, I cried. Pathetic? I think so.
17.30 – after a load more revision (although not as much as I had intended), decided I deserved to watch Friends.
21.00 – realised how happy I am to be leaving home. Somehow my family, my parents mainly, are capable of annoying me just by being. Everything they say to me seems to irritate me, everything they do. I’m just not sure I like them as people. I can’t decide whether that sounds typically teenagery, truly horrible or both.
22.00 – realised I hadn’t taken my iron tablet. Couldn’t find my iron tablets. Almost cried (again) I got that angry.
22.03 – found the iron tablets.
22.40 – So this is now. Mother has just walked into the room and decided to complain to me about her job. I think she knows that I don’t care, I think I know that I should, I certainly know that if I went into the reasons why I don’t care, I would seem like the nastiest daughter on the planet.
22.42 – Susie is going to bed.
Susie is trying something a little bit new with today’s blog. A complete run-down of the day. It won’t stick, she promises.
11.15am – woke up fairly suddenly after a nightmare involving the Joker, craving some tuna mayonnaise. I was craving the tuna mayonnaise when I woke up, not the Joker in the dream.
11.16 – had a bath to fill the 39 minutes before the Gilmore Girls, also because I looked like some sort of greasemonster and there was a chance that Sam and I were going out for lunch, in public.
11.55 – watched Gilmore Girls and decided the tuna mayo craving was going to win over lunch with Sam. A gamble which paid off, because we never did go out for lunch and the tuna mayo was really good.
12.55 – started revision, but a little half-heartedly, in front of the tv.
13.55 – left the tv and started real revision in my bedroom.
13.56 – felt more frustrated with chemistry than I ever have in my life. As the last year has been passing by, I’ve known that I wasn’t learning as much as I needed to in chemistry. The unfortunate fact that one of my teachers was not only my form tutor and a lovely guy, but also an appalling teacher never did bode well. Today, one topic was just not clicking, and I couldn’t seem to find the notes to make it click; if I’m honest, that’s not the sort of thing that happens to me very often, I tend to get things at least in concept, and I didn’t like it.
14.15 – worked it out. Felt the unfamiliar feeling of success as a result of genuine hard work. I wonder if I’ll ever have a job that will actually encourage me to work really hard. Even this minor victory is making me think that it might actually be worth it.
15.30 – told myself I deserved a break from revision. Looked through my old computer for some music to listen to since I’ve lost my iPod and the laptop was downstairs with the cleaner, who I make it my business to avoid whenever she comes round. Found some classic tunes and was hit with various waves of nostalgia, quite nice really.
15.45 – found myself in tears. Every now and then I think about what’s going on at the moment, the idea of leaving school, leaving home, starting uni. I think I’ve come to terms with leaving school friends, because I’ve come to terms with leaving school and the two just come together. Today I thought about leaving Ally. For the past few years, I’ve seen him fairly consistently every week. How many times a week has varied certainly, but it’s been something that I’ve been able to rely on. But it hit me today that that’s all over; already. I knew we were going to have to leave, I knew we were only going to see each other in the holidays, I knew it was going to be hard to keep up the friendship we have. But I didn’t realise that it was all over already. We’ll barely see each other during exams, and then even less over the holidays, and after that we’re off. I thought about saying goodbye to him and I thought how much I’m going to miss him and yes, I cried. Pathetic? I think so.
17.30 – after a load more revision (although not as much as I had intended), decided I deserved to watch Friends.
21.00 – realised how happy I am to be leaving home. Somehow my family, my parents mainly, are capable of annoying me just by being. Everything they say to me seems to irritate me, everything they do. I’m just not sure I like them as people. I can’t decide whether that sounds typically teenagery, truly horrible or both.
22.00 – realised I hadn’t taken my iron tablet. Couldn’t find my iron tablets. Almost cried (again) I got that angry.
22.03 – found the iron tablets.
22.40 – So this is now. Mother has just walked into the room and decided to complain to me about her job. I think she knows that I don’t care, I think I know that I should, I certainly know that if I went into the reasons why I don’t care, I would seem like the nastiest daughter on the planet.
22.42 – Susie is going to bed.
