An update. Right now, it’s 06.25. By the time I finish and upload this, it’ll probably be 7am. As I look outside, I can see the sun rising. And I haven’t even gone to bed yet.
THIS IS UNI.
Earlier today, I wasn’t feeling great. I guess I just wanted to be around people with whom I didn’t have to make an effort. Last night, I was invited out by people on my course; people who I’d spent all day ‘getting to know’, learning the names of etc. I told them that I would see what my flatmates wanted to do, because I hadn’t seen them in a while. Really, all I wanted was to talk to people without asking their names, be in the same room with people without making conversation, be without conversation with people without feeling awkward. I think it was a pretty good job we all went to bed early, because even flatmate time isn’t even completely relaxing at this point. I still feel like I have to make a bit of an effort, I still feel like I have to really concentrate on conversation, and I still feel like laughter is something that is either very deliberately provoked or quite deliberately delivered.
This morning and today, this feeling has only got worse, to be honest. All I want is to speak to really old friends (which is why I’ve been a bit of a text/facebook loser). Beyond that, I need to talk to some boys. Despite my deepest wishes, I’m in a very girl-heavy flat. The talk about shoes and film stars and boys is only going so far, and I really need to talk to some people who will call me names and laugh at me a bit. We took a trip to ikea, and I think I may have been fairly bed company a lot of the time; because every now and then I would make the effort to laugh or say something funny, other than that, I was fairly gormless. I thought about other things and wished I was with other people. I guess that’s what people these days call HOMESICK. I reckon that’s what I am. It’s never really happened before and I don’t think it has anything to do with being at home (although it might to, maybe I just miss the sofa and the bed and being lazy) but more the people I’m used to being around. Meeting new people happens fairly naturally for me, granted there is a lot of trepidation, but I don’t find it difficult once the conversation has begun. None the less, I think I’m struggling to keep up so many new relationships so soon. I want to sink back into old ones which are comfortable and easy.
It’s a good job I have nothing to do tomorrow. I think I may spend most of the day in bed, in my room, or talking to old friends; because right now I really miss it.
Susie is amazed that she is finished by 06.41; she has a lot more to talk about but it will have to wait until tomorrow, because right now it is bed time.
THIS IS UNI.
Earlier today, I wasn’t feeling great. I guess I just wanted to be around people with whom I didn’t have to make an effort. Last night, I was invited out by people on my course; people who I’d spent all day ‘getting to know’, learning the names of etc. I told them that I would see what my flatmates wanted to do, because I hadn’t seen them in a while. Really, all I wanted was to talk to people without asking their names, be in the same room with people without making conversation, be without conversation with people without feeling awkward. I think it was a pretty good job we all went to bed early, because even flatmate time isn’t even completely relaxing at this point. I still feel like I have to make a bit of an effort, I still feel like I have to really concentrate on conversation, and I still feel like laughter is something that is either very deliberately provoked or quite deliberately delivered.
This morning and today, this feeling has only got worse, to be honest. All I want is to speak to really old friends (which is why I’ve been a bit of a text/facebook loser). Beyond that, I need to talk to some boys. Despite my deepest wishes, I’m in a very girl-heavy flat. The talk about shoes and film stars and boys is only going so far, and I really need to talk to some people who will call me names and laugh at me a bit. We took a trip to ikea, and I think I may have been fairly bed company a lot of the time; because every now and then I would make the effort to laugh or say something funny, other than that, I was fairly gormless. I thought about other things and wished I was with other people. I guess that’s what people these days call HOMESICK. I reckon that’s what I am. It’s never really happened before and I don’t think it has anything to do with being at home (although it might to, maybe I just miss the sofa and the bed and being lazy) but more the people I’m used to being around. Meeting new people happens fairly naturally for me, granted there is a lot of trepidation, but I don’t find it difficult once the conversation has begun. None the less, I think I’m struggling to keep up so many new relationships so soon. I want to sink back into old ones which are comfortable and easy.
It’s a good job I have nothing to do tomorrow. I think I may spend most of the day in bed, in my room, or talking to old friends; because right now I really miss it.
Susie is amazed that she is finished by 06.41; she has a lot more to talk about but it will have to wait until tomorrow, because right now it is bed time.
1 comments:
Well, I'm quite glad you've rediscovered blogging now that you're at Uni. It means I can hear how you're doing more often.
Sending you love and hugs Shmoozles. Let me know your address sometime soon hey? xxx
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