I’m one of those people who can’t stand when things aren’t said. If I like a guy, I’ll tell him; if I think someone needs cheering up, I’ll try; if I think someone needs a kick up the ass, I’ll give it to them. In general, I can’t stand when things are all secret, because secrets always get out and it always turns out wrong. But if things are immediately out in the open, then you don’t get the bitching and the bickering. It sound pretty hypocritical me saying this, because I do bitch quite a lot; but if something’s important enough, I’ll always talk to the person in question instead. The whole idea of tension and secrets really does irritate me, and I’ll sacrifice most friendships, I’ll sacrifice being liked by most people to ease tension among my friends or just in myself.
I’ve made an arse of myself so many times doing this, but I’ve always been glad I did it in the end. Things often go wrong, word gets out to all sorts of people I never thought it would, but it works out in the end. I’ve gotten so much closer to some people just by going ahead and bloody saying what I want to say; whether it’s how much I love them, how worried I am about them, or asking them a question that needs asking. I’m known for speaking my mind, and some people dislike it, other people respect me for being honest.
Today, I was blunt with someone. I finally said something which a few of us had been deliberating whether or not to say for ages. And it was horrible; being desperate to say it, knowing that it should be said, knowing that it could potentially make someone happier.
This time, there was a lot riding on it; by sharing this, I was possibly sacrificing one of the few relationships I have that is truly precious to me. And it pretty much blew up in my face. I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it; perhaps I was overstepping the mark this time. So far, things aren’t looking up, and I am worried that I might have ruined this for a very long time.
Susie is quite probably about to cry.
I don’t know whether I regret saying this one or not. I think I more regret just being the person I am. I regret being the person that ends up in arguments. I regret being the only person who has the balls to say what needs saying. I regret not being kind and conscientious enough to know when to keep my mouth shut instead. I regret not caring what other people think of me, to the extent that I'll just do anything and cope with the consequences.
I regret that it's always me that comes out as the bad guy. Almost all my friends would rather keep this kind of thing to themselves. I have no idea how they cope with that. But they’re bloody lucky they don’t have to cope with this.
I've fucked up, I know. I just wish that I could make this better.
Susie is so sorry.
I’ve made an arse of myself so many times doing this, but I’ve always been glad I did it in the end. Things often go wrong, word gets out to all sorts of people I never thought it would, but it works out in the end. I’ve gotten so much closer to some people just by going ahead and bloody saying what I want to say; whether it’s how much I love them, how worried I am about them, or asking them a question that needs asking. I’m known for speaking my mind, and some people dislike it, other people respect me for being honest.
Today, I was blunt with someone. I finally said something which a few of us had been deliberating whether or not to say for ages. And it was horrible; being desperate to say it, knowing that it should be said, knowing that it could potentially make someone happier.
This time, there was a lot riding on it; by sharing this, I was possibly sacrificing one of the few relationships I have that is truly precious to me. And it pretty much blew up in my face. I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it; perhaps I was overstepping the mark this time. So far, things aren’t looking up, and I am worried that I might have ruined this for a very long time.
Susie is quite probably about to cry.
I don’t know whether I regret saying this one or not. I think I more regret just being the person I am. I regret being the person that ends up in arguments. I regret being the only person who has the balls to say what needs saying. I regret not being kind and conscientious enough to know when to keep my mouth shut instead. I regret not caring what other people think of me, to the extent that I'll just do anything and cope with the consequences.
I regret that it's always me that comes out as the bad guy. Almost all my friends would rather keep this kind of thing to themselves. I have no idea how they cope with that. But they’re bloody lucky they don’t have to cope with this.
I've fucked up, I know. I just wish that I could make this better.
Susie is so sorry.
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